“It has come to our attention that Hollywood, aka Rod Stone, is rumored to be connected to a provocative film of questionable taste, and on a completely unrelated topic, probably has no chance of winning a coveted AVN Award. We are taking this time to address the known specifics at this time, namely, that the aforementioned clip was recently uploaded onto YouPorn, the leading online platform championing adult social networking, carpal tunnel research, and eSports.
MAYHEM is working with YouPorn to confirm the tape’s origins, although we have been unable to coordinate or verify the tape’s authenticity with Hollywood directly, due to his “slammed” acting schedule.
Hollywood’s publicist, Stefany Glitzwilliam from Finsley PR stated, “Judging by the curvature of his buttocks at 1:12 seconds and the angle of the money shot, that is, the shot where the male actor on screen is literally wearing a bag of money around his junk, it is impossible to tell if that is my client on screen and ask that the public give him the benefit of the doubt until things firm up and the facts become rock solid.”
Until we reach clarity, MAYHEM will continue deploying agents to save you from mad men wielding literal space lasers while you remain fixated on tabloid-tier gossip. We take comfort in knowing our fight to curb total global devastation has not driven you into panic.
We have no further comment on this manner in particular but would like to take this time to remind the populace at large to join us in fighting LEGION on August 15th around the world and make sure MAYHEM triumphs in the battle of Bad vs Evil. Sign up today.
*Multinational AgencY for Hunting Evil Masterminds
*League of Evil Gentlemen Intent on Obliterating Nations”